Tag Archives: US Weekly

John Mayer needs to shut up and play guitar!

John Mayer needs to shut up and play guitar.  I realize that between his music and apparent sexual prowess, he is tabloid fodder and in demand for interviews.  John, if Jessica Simpson was, as you so delicately put it, your sexual crack cocaine, interviews and reporters are your kryptonite.  Dude, SHUT UP, stop the pseudo-intellectual babble and play your guitar. 

I realize that with your fame, guitar skills, money, and looks, life might not be easy for you.  I’m just spit balling here, but I suspect it has been and will continue to be just a tad easier for you than the fry cook at McDonalds jockeying for position to be the drive through guy.  I’m betting that you probably have some form of medical insurance or at least the money to find a good doctor to go and chat with.  You know, I’ve heard that they have some kind of doctor/patient privilege thing where they don’t go tell the whole world all the moronic things you say. 

John, if someone is talking to you and they have some form of recording device or appear to be jotting down notes, SHUT UP!  Stop talking immediately and whip out your guitar and play a tune for them. From now on, you should never, ever be without your guitar.  Your guitar should be to you what the blanket was to Linus. 

While you have had the good fortune to gain carnal knowledge of several really hot and famous for being hot women, you don’t need to notify the world about it.  Or, if you feel the need to do so, pick up your guitar, write some lyrics and act like you are a musician.  Play your guitar, sing your songs, and stop trying to tell the world what a good guy you are.  I’m thinking at this point, the old adage of “Actions speak louder than words” might be a good mantra for you.  SHUT UP AND PLAY GUITAR!

Dude, you have worked with Eric Clapton, Buddy Guy, B.B. King, Common, and Kanye West to name just a few musicians/artist.  I realize as I typed the last name, you might have more in common with him than the others I mentioned as he has been known to take a left turn on occasion.  But my point is that you have worked with some of the biggest names in the business and those deals are brokered solely on your musical talent.  So, wait for it…. SHUT UP AND PLAY GUITAR!

So, John, to summarize, when Rolling Stone, Playboy, US Weekly, Star, The National Enquirer, People Magazine, or any other form of publication call you up and ask for an interview or a quote, politely decline, offer them two tickets to one of your shows, and hang up the phone.